Just Some General Jibber Jabber

I can't believe how quickly the day's gone by already! This is the first real time I've sat down to read e-mails and check on all of my other computer "stuff" since first thing this morning. For some reason, my computer wouldn't boot up, so I had to leave without being able to check in first. I'm sure I have TONS of e-mails to go through, but I wanted to update here first.

R. went to school this morning, despite still not feeling well. I gave her some liquid Tylenol, and some cold medicine, and sent her in with a note to her teacher, explaining that she still wasn't 100%, and if she really wanted to come home, I could be contacted on my cell. After picking her up from school, I asked my daughter how her day went, and how she felt in school today. I was shocked and more than a little upset to hear that she gave her teacher the note I'd written first thing this morning, and then proceeded to ask her teacher... TWICE... during the course of the day, if she could call me to come get her. Apparently, her teacher's response was, "you don't look that sick to me". Hmmmm.... sounds like someone (or several someones) needs a SEVERE talking to!

S. had her first day of preschool today. She whisked into her room, with barely a goodbye to me (which is always a good sign!). I killed a few hours by hunting around for an MP3 docking station that would work with the Onyx MP3 player I got for my son for his birthday. Sure, I could find TONS of iPod stuff, but it took me three different stores before I found something that I think will work for the "generic" MP3 player I bought. I only hope it works! My husband and I will be giving him the MP3 player as his birthday present, and the docking station is from the girls.

One of my stops was at Target. While there, I picked up three sweatshirts and three pairs of leggings for S., as well as a long-sleeved t-shirt. I also got three pairs of leggings for R., too. I went through S's. fall clothes yesterday, and switched everything out in her room. Turns out, I have a HUGE trash bag filled with clothes that are too small for her! She's definitely gone through a MAJOR growth spurt, and a ton of her fall stuff from last year is now just too small. The only thing she really needs, though, is sweatshirts. But, between the three I picked up today, and the few that I've recently won on EBay, she should be all set for a little bit.

I also found the second book in the "Twilight" series on sale, so I picked it up for my husband to give to me for Christmas! :) I called him and told him that I'd found it, and that they had the third book in hardcover for $13 bucks... and that it was on him to get that one! :) I picked up the fourth book from a VERY generous Freecycler yesterday! :) I'm halfway through "Twilight", and it's definitely very intriguing, to say the least!

S. woke up three times last night, claiming she had bad dreams. I think she was anxious about school today. She also said she had a sore throat this morning, so I gave her some liquid Tylenol too. Sigh. And to think... it's only the 14th day of school!!

N. had picture day today, and I'm praying that his picture turned out halfway decent. I told him it's going to be weird to see his picture without braces! It's the first time in four years he'll be taking a school picture without 'em! R's picture day is scheduled for this Friday (and of course, it's going to be raining all day long.... so her hair should look absolutely lovely, thankyouverymuch!). I only hope she's feeling well by then. It'll be bad enough that she has a total frizz head from the rain... I don't want her to look like death warmed over, either!

And of course, because it's the beginning of school, my stomach has been feeling quite nasty the last couple of days. I even went to far as to cancel my dentist's appointment tomorrow (go ahead, twist my arm! ;), 'cause with my gut doing flip-flops, the last thing I'd find comfortable right now is to have someone's hands in my mouth, and the smell of old fillings being ground down to pulp! Yuck-o!

Well, I'm off to read my 3790809560949708234 e-mails. We're going to have grilled cheese and tomato sammies for dinner, and I think I'm going to whip up a batch of Loaded Potato Soup (a delicious-sounding recipe that one of my friends passed along to me). I only hope I feel well enough to try some later!

Ahhhh. Solitude.

I don't know how I managed it, but I wound up sneaking off for a few short hours earlier... by myself.

I needed to go out and return a bunch of things my mom purchased for my kids for Christmas. Bless her heart... I know she meant well, but when she handed me the things she'd put away on layaway for them, and I opened the box, I knew that the toys and crafts were not exactly my kids' "style". She tried her best, and I love her for it, but really... there are other things that they'd much rather have "Santa" bring them on Christmas morning. So, she gave me permission to take them back and get them what they really wanted.

I have to say, I felt horrible pangs of guilt leaving the house by myself. It was so strange, not needing to buckle a small child into a carseat, not having to ask if everyone's buckled in, not hearing anyone asking me to change the radio station to Radio Disney or Jammin'. I got to drive with all the windows down, listening to MY music, and didn't have to break up a backseat quarrel ONCE. Heavenly.

The woman at the customer service desk thought it was a real hoot, when I explained to her my rationale for returning things. She agreed that it was best to get them what they really wanted, rather than fill up the spaces under the tree with "stuff". I walked out of the store a few hours later, feeling so good knowing that the kids will definitely have a good year this year, and they'll be totally psyched about what Santa brought. It tickles me more than I even care to admit, especially because they really are good kids, and they don't get much at all during the year in the way of "treats", so to be able to be a bit generous at Christmastime just warms the cockles of my heart.

Not to mention I wasn't being hounded for a toy, and had to face the deflated looks on their faces when I had to tell them no. That's always so hard on me.

We were watching "Baby Mama" last night, and there was a scene where Tina Fey's character is in an elevator, and standing in front of her was a young mom, holding a baby who couldn't be more than 9-12 months old. She gently caressed the baby's little hand with one finger, then cautiously leaned forward to smell the baby's head. I turned to my husband and said, "I know exactly how she feels. I've been having that 'itch'" again. Of course, he looked at me as if I'd completely lost my mind. He even invited me to find someone else to have the next child with, if I so desired (teasing, of course).

Logically speaking, I know it's the absolute wrong thing to do to my body. At 45 years of age, it wouldn't be the wisest thing for me to put my body through, or my heart, for that matter. My old eggs might not produce a healthy child, and I just don't want to set myself up for that.

I guess, as long as I'm able to bear children, the longing will exist. I only hope it goes away once I hit menopause.

My Dad

It's been 19 years today since my father died, and I posted this video, for him.



The very first time I heard this song it had just been released, and I was driving to somewhere. The day was so busy with errands I was surprised when I forgot what day it was. It was a few years ago....today. By the time the middle of that song came, and I heard Luther sing about hearing his mother crying in her room, I had to pull over. I had tears running down my face and couldn't see well enough to drive. I still can't hear this song all the way through without welling up. It's been hard losing him... and it's even harder when I think about all the things he's missed about my life since he's been gone. The failed marriage I finally left because it was just simply WRONG for me, which opened the door for me to find the RIGHT guy, whom I've been with for over 16 years, and have had three amazing kids with. He didn't even walk me down the aisle then... my husband-to-be and I walked hand in hand through the door together on that day. A symbol, I guess, of my first real "adult" act since my father's passing.

My dad was VERY strict (sometimes to the point of being downright mean, in my estimation), but he was incredibly smart, had a wonderful, dry wit about him, and offered a balance to my mother that really hasn't been there since. And there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about him in some capacity. I miss him every day, and feel the "empty space" in the room whenever there's a family function, knowing he should be there to celebrate with us. Mostly, I wish he were here to talk to, and to seek advice from. He died way too fast, too young, and too soon.

So, Dad....wherever you are... I hope you've found a comfortable rocking chair, and are kicking back, drinking a Schlitz, chewing on some sharp cheddar, or a slice of pepperoni, munching on some Wise potato chips, and watching a game somewhere. I wouldn't even mind if you called me into the room, just so I could change the television channel for ya.

Love ya... you old coot.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad

If my father was still alive, today would have been my Mother and Father's 61st wedding anniversary. So, in honor of the occasion, I dedicate "their song" to them:

I Have Succumbed.... To Rock Band

My son likes the way I sing, and is thoroughly impressed with my musical repertoire. I keep explaining to him that the reason why I know so many songs on the radio is because I choose to listen to radio stations that play the songs I listened to growing up. Turn on one of HIS preferred radio stations, and I'm like a fish out of water. The closest I can get to possibly recognizing, and MAYBE singing along to any sort of "new" music is Radio Disney, and that's only because I swear they play the same five or six songs overandoverandoverandoverandoverandoverandover again!

So, last night, after dinner was through, we all sat down in the living room. My husband and I tried our best to watch "Jeopardy" while the girls fought....er.... played with some toy that they both wanted to use. During a commercial, my son shyly asked, "Mom, would you be the singer for me in Rock Band?"

Now, mind you.... we don't OWN Rock Band, so I thought my son had finally gotten tired enough from all of his super-early mornings to become a bit loopy. He explained to me that one of his friends had let him borrow his system "indefinitely", because he never plays with the thing anymore, and so he told my son that he could use it until he "beat the system". I'm not sure how long that would take, but I would presume it might be awhile.

I asked him where he would like me to perform this particular endeavor with him, and he suggested his room. Since I tried to avoid the two upstairs bedrooms like the plague (the sight of them, at times, can potentially lead me to want to hurl myself out the nearest window!), I said, "Since your sisters are making too much noise for us to be able to hear the television clearly anyway, why don't you bring the game system down here and set it up?"

Well... I didn't have to tell him twice. He was off like a shot, with his little sister in tow, to grab the gear to set up the game.

I'd never seen Rock Band in action before, so I had no clue really what to expect. Setting up this game is a bit like setting up an actual stage show for a band... there's all kinds of wires to plug into certain ports, and the drum kit has to be assembled. Once everything was in place, my son turned the game on and scrolled down the list of song selections.

Most of the titles (and artists) were completely foreign to me. They did, however, have a few Aerosmith selections, a song by The Clash, one by The Rolling Stones, and one by Boston that I did know.

I started off with the Boston tune... "Foreplay/Long Time". Since I grew up on Boston, I chose the "expert" level, and got a near perfect score. My son was grinning from ear to ear when the song finished, 'cause I guess getting a good score moves him up in the ranks somehow. All I know is, although I can carry a fairly decent tune, I'm no Brad Delp! But, if it helped him along, and it was all in fun, that's all that really mattered.

We played a bit more before I shooed them all off to bed. Even my little one got in on the action, pretending to be the newest rock-star singing sensation. It was quite the hoot.

So, today.... we were driving back from the grocery store, and as always, I had the radio on. I was running through channels, trying to find something other than commercials or "talk radio", when I heard the distinctive sounds of that very same Boston tune. I left it there... and cranked it.

And, as I did last night, I sang along with Brad. My incredibly intelligent, smart-as-a-whip little girl exclaimed, "Mama! That's YOU singing! That's the song you sang last night!" And, when the guitar solo hit, during the middle of the song, she cheered, "That's BROTHER playing! Awesome job, brother!!"

What a howl! There's never a dull moment with that kid, I tell ya! (Who, by the way, now thinks we're all rock 'n' roll stars! :)

And So.... It Begins....

My son shaved his "beard" off, for the first time this evening. I took a few pictures, then took a small patch of his virgin beard hair, and put it in a tiny little plastic pouch for safekeeping. Sentimental fool that I am.

I think I'm going to go crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep. :'(

***********

I was putting my little one to bed this evening, and after our usual nighttime banter, she said to me, "Mama, I think you're beautiful." My heart swelled. I said, "Well, thank you, baby. I think you're beautiful, too." She asked, "Do you think I'm beautiful when I'm sleeping?"

"Yes, sweet pea... you're the most beautiful of all when you sleep."

Let's hope SHE doesn't slip away too fast.

To Everything There is a Season

This is a hard blog to post, not only because the subject matter is difficult for me to talk about, but it's a subject I was hoping to avoid for another, oh, say, twenty years or so!

My daughter and I were driving back home from her school one afternoon last week. She and I were the only two in the car -- my little one decided she was too bushed to join us and plopped herself down for a nap, so my mom came upstairs to keep an eye on her while I picked up my oldest daughter. R. must have felt it was the perfect opportunity to talk to me about something, because after the average line of questioning was finished (How was school? Did you do anything fun? What did you do in class today? Did you make any new friends?), she turned to me, and tentatively asked, "Mom, would you be upset with me if I told you I had a crush on a boy?"

It was all I could do to keep myself from slamming on the brakes, smashing my head against the steering wheel, and shrieking out, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not my baby!!! You can't have my baby!!!!!"

But, you'll be proud and relieved to know I remained calm. And my forehead remained in tact.

I thought very carefully for a moment, before answering her. Give her too much information, and she'll feel overwhelmed. Give her not enough, and she won't be prepared to know what's probably going to happen next.

I couldn't look at her. To see her face would have been too much. My adorable, 9-and-three-quarters girl. My BABY girl. Instead, I kept my eyes on the road as I began to speak. I asked her who the boy was that she liked, and was completely relieved when she said the name of a boy that I just adore. He's a sweet kid, and his parents are good people, too. That's always a help. Not that I was making wedding plans, or anything! :)

Then, as matter-of-factly as I could, I said, "Of course I'm not upset with you, lovey. J. is a sweet boy, and I can understand the reasons why you might have a fondness for him. But, you need to know that you're going to have LOTS of crushes in your lifetime. Some may be meaningful, and some may be in passing, but they're all a part of teaching you how to deal with true love, when it comes along."

The question that came out of her mouth at that point was one of the most touching things I've heard in a long time; "You mean like the kind of love that you and Daddy have?" It was such a lovely testament, to know that my kids can plainly see just how my husband and I feel about each other, even after all these years.

"Yes, sweetie," I said, now fighting back the tears, "just like your Dad and me. You have to understand that giving your whole heart to someone is like giving them a very precious gift. And, they have to PROVE to you that they've earned that gift. It's not something you want to give away lightly, because if you do, you're going to get terribly hurt. You're going to get hurt anyway....that's unfortunately part of falling in love with the wrong person sometimes. But, my only hope for you is that when you're REALLY ready to give your heart away completely, that you find a man just like your father. Someone you can trust, someone who's your very best friend, and someone who can love you with all their heart, too. Until then, you do your very best to keep your heart protected."

She listened very intensely, wanting to seemingly grasp every single subtle nuance of what I was saying; to absorb it into her system, and to adjust it so that it fit, somehow, into that tiny, girl-like body of hers. At least that's what I hoped she was doing.

I know this marks the very beginning of my daughter's growing up years, and I know I have to let it happen, even though I'm certain of the pain and the heartache she's inevidably going to suffer through as a result. As much as I'd love to protect her and keep her from feeling that sort of emotion, it's as certain as the world rotating on its axis. To everything there is season. Turn, turn, turn.

But, as we got out of the car, and she ran to the garage, grabbed her bike, plopped her helmet haphazardly on her head, and began to ride away, I hoped that particular rite of passage would take its sweet old time.